Joy Comes in the Morning

I am blessed beyond measure. Tears come to my eyes when I think of the dark times, and how many times I thought it would always be dark. There have been many glimpses of God’s love, God’s joy, and the light that He gives us in this sinful world. I have seen a share of darkness thus far, and I am aware that more will come as long as we live on this side of Heaven.

I often pray the prayer, “Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Come, Lord Jesus, come.” I pray it with fervor. I pray it with a desperate tone in my voice. But I also pray it with hope and joy. This hope and joy comes when you understand what you have been given by Christ and understanding that only comes through hardship and the growth that results.

I remember in middle school and high school I felt so broken, desperate, afraid, dark, hopeless, helpless. I clung to the hope that is only in Christ. I clung to the words that were given to me through God’s word. I was blessed beyond measure to be allowed to hear those words in Church, through my family and friends. I heard God’s life-giving word by way of people who were there through my anxiety and depression, through my battle with cutting, and through my desire to end my earthly life. Somehow God brought me past all of that and I got to go to college. I got to explore. I got to go to Concordia and make amazing friends, and begin a new chapter.

Unfortunately, I also got to make my own mistakes. I got to allow myself to fall into a pit that was a new level of darkness I had not seen. I made a couple of mistakes that I hope and pray my children, my children’s children, and all the people that I love do not make. I fell into a relationship that I thought was wonderful, but truly led me away from God. This relationship stole me away from people that were supportive of me and wanted my best. A relationship that led me to another depression. Into isolation, abuse, and a bout with drugs.

But praise the Lord, oh my soul. Praise the Lord that He took me out of that and gave me so many people to help me dig my way back out of that pit. A pit I had put myself into.

Fast forward to 2018 and I got to marry a man that treats me well, has my best interest at heart, leads me deeper into the Word, and is an honest and true man. A baptized and forgiven sinner, just like me.

We decided to begin trying to fill our home with little footsteps…and we lost our first baby in 2019. Losing Bailey was difficult, to say the least, but then we were gifted our beautiful baby boy Samuel who is the most amazing little boy we could’ve ever asked for. He is smart, funny, playful, and kind. He has the most beautiful heart that I have ever seen. I am blessed to be his mommy! Then, in 2022, we lost another baby. Our Jude. That grief felt like it was all-encompassing. I felt like I was never going to be myself again. It came with immense mental pain, but also physical pain.

And then we became pregnant with our sweet Hannah Joy. That pregnancy was a rough pregnancy for most of the nine months. It was filled with physical pain, nausea, vomiting, weight loss, high liver enzymes, multiple infections, hospitalizations, illnesses, discomfort, and desperation. But now we can see the light. We have our Hannah Joy in our arms. We have our Samuel David in our arms. I have an amazing husband and an incredible family. I get to live in the mountains. I get to be home and create a home to raise these children in a time such as this. I get to see God use me in their lives and I pray he will continue to use me outside of the home, as well. What a different life I lead. What blessing upon blessing He has stacked for me!

The darkest nights are always difficult and they always seem like they will never end, but I am here to tell you that God is there, and He does hear you. He has given us His Word to show us that we are not the only ones who feel that desperation and helplessness and hopelessness. It also shows us the love and joy, and healing that He provides. Sometimes I wonder how He will provide, but He does in ways that I could not have imagined. Through people, through jobs, through vocation, through children, through books, through time in nature.

He provides in so many ways that sometimes we don’t see until we are in the light of the new day. For anyone who is in the darkness, remember that joy comes in the morning. Remember His promises are true. We are not promised easy or comfortable lives, but we are promised that He is with us and He will come again. Even when it is raining and pouring, He is still raining and pouring His goodness and mercy on our lives. And we will see the fulfillment of all of that on the day that He comes back; in the day that He resurrects us all.

Come, Lord Jesus, come. Come quickly. Amen