Momma in the Valley

Almost a year ago, on July 21st, 2020 at 8:40pm, light began shining on the Earth for the Hicks family. Colors became brighter. Smells became more fragrant. Ups became higher. Lows became lower. Sorrow became deeper. Joy became stronger. At that time, our sweet little boy was born. Our beautiful, precious, perfect Rainbow Baby. For months, we had anticipated and imagined what he would be like. We had prepared as much as possible for his arrival. But nothing prepared us for the adrenaline we would feel when it was “time.” Nothing prepared us for the fear that would strike us when the nurse said he was throwing “d-cels.” Nothing prepared us for the determination I would muster to deliver. Nothing prepared us for the incredible patient, loving, and steady voice my husband used when cheering me on. Finally, nothing prepared us for the rush of intense love and new understanding of grace bestowed upon us the moment we laid eyes on our baby. My husband recently recalled being in the hospital

I am scared. I am scared of Covid. I am scared of “Satan shoes.” I am scared of seeing Samuel grow up in such odd, terrifying, trying times. These are just the things I see right now, tonight, as I quickly skim over the news. This does not even encompass the trials and tribulations, death and destruction that is occurring in every corner of the world. In spite of all of this fear and pain and groaning across the world that words cannot even encompass or express, we are not given a spirit of fear.  “ For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:6-7). We are not given a spirit of fear, but I am still scared! I think the most difficult thing is to give up that fear, accept that I certainly do not have control (even though I try to trick myself into thinking I do), and lay it all at the foot of Jesus’ cross. This Holy Week, it’s oka