Momma in the Valley

This time of year, we all are trying to consciously think of what we are thankful for. Facebook is full of people keeping track of their thankfulness, and we all are able to connect. We are thankful for our families, our Churches, our Topo Chico. It is wonderful to share our thankfulness and to lift each other up with these thoughts. So far, 7 days into November, I have had a difficult time switching my brain into Thanksgiving mode. I try to practice daily thanking our God for all He has given us, but the darkness has begun to overcome me again (it seems to be coming in tidal waves). It has gotten difficult once again to look past the ache in my heart or the emptiness in my tummy. However, I can see little by little our God working to fill in the gaps and to show me more of His character. We were blessed to have the director of the local pregnancy resource center to visit our Church last night and share her story and the story of one of the young women who have sought help at th...

Dear Rose of White, You give me comfort when I feel locked in despair. You remind me to think of joy, when all I think is of darkness. At times, it is easier. Easier to think, easier to eat, easier to walk and breathe. But at other times, I feel I am in a drought, gasping for water and air simultaneously, hoping all pain would be lost. It feels as though my anguish should be gone, that my joys should be the forefront, but my heart still aches for my Rose of White. Praise God for His unfailing grace and love. Without such, I would be blessed with the confidence of your purity. Because of Him, I know you are dancing in the cloud of Saints. Because of Him, I know I can continue to dream and look forward, when all I want to do is cry and look back. He said, “Let the little children come to Me,” and I know there you are, blessed as can be. Here’s to loving you, trusting Him, and moving forward one foot at a time. All the while dreaming of you, my Rose of White, and knowing whe...

I am frustrated. Frustrated with my mind, frustrated with my body. When everything happened and we learned we lost our baby, I cried all the way home. I held it together for a time, having shed what I thought was all the tears my body produced. Then, I cried more. I cried when my husband came home, and although I was the most thankful woman in the world to have a husband I could run to who would embrace me in the biggest hug in the world, I still cried. We cried together. Our family shed our tears together, and our Church family joined in the following day. We have been surrounded with so much love and support, so much encouragement--I cannot describe the blessing we have in the village that surrounds us and will one day surround our children. Within the coverage of all of this love, I made a foolish assumption and expectation of myself; I told myself I could have that following week to grieve. Not the following month or year, but that WEEK. I assumed that by sharing with the world, ...