Hollow

 Jude. Derived from Judah. In Hebrew and Greek, it means “praised,” “praises,” or “praise.”


Our Lord will be praised and glorified in all circumstances. We praise Him for making us parents of a third blessing, a third beautiful, wanted, wonderfully knitted child. We praise Him for His grace and His omniscience. We praise Him, knowing that He has our Jude in His hands.


Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow. Even the hidden blessings we don’t yet know exist.


Hollow.


Hollow is the only word I can think of to describe how I feel in the midst of this grief. What other words are there to describe how there was a life in my womb then suddenly there wasn’t? How do you describe the feeling of pure joy taken from you…again?


I don’t think I can explain the feeling. It just is. It’s like I’m walking around doing what I have to do to survive and showing up places I’m supposed to go, but it feels like you can literally see through me. It feels like someone has taken an ice cream scoop and taken away my insides.


But how can this be when at the same time I find joy in the days I get to spend with Samuel? He is the light of our lives. A child the Lord saw fit to grant us Earth-side.


We mourn our Jude just as we have and continue to mourn our Bailey. We continue to live and enjoy life…while also navigating a grief that was never supposed to be felt.


Psalm 27:7-14


Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me!

You have said, “Seek my face.”

My heart says to you, “Your face, Lord, do I seek.”


Hide not your face from me.

Turn not your servant away in anger,

 O you who have been my help.

Cast me not off; forsake me not, O God of my salvation!


For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.

Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies.


Give me not up to the will of my adversaries; for false witnesses have risen against me, and they breathe out violence.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!


Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

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