Momma in the Valley

In a world where we must question every decision we make—every leader, every ingredient, every medication, every TV show, every word we use, what car to buy, and what meme to share with different friend groups—there are more questions than answers at any given moment. This constant questioning can be overwhelming and even frightening. It has become difficult to feel safe expressing our opinions, regardless of whether we agree with those around us. Many people experience some level of anxiety, and if it weren't a common struggle, the Bible wouldn’t explicitly instruct us not to be anxious (Philippians 4:6). I often find myself consumed by worry. I worry about my babies—about every decision regarding screen time, health, sleep, and my own actions. It’s challenging not to feel that each choice is monumental, especially given the importance of raising them. Tonight, while hiding in my bathroom and crying, a verse came to mind: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my...

  Grief. It begins the moment you find out you have lost someone you love. It is an all-consuming experience that overwhelms your mind, your heart, and your body. It feels like cortisol is being injected into your stomach. Your heart suddenly feels empty. Your limbs feel heavy. Your stomach feels knotty. Your mind feels simultaneously blank and flooded. Sometimes, you cry so much that you don’t know if there are any tears left, and then you cry some more. Sometimes there is anger. Sometimes there is remorse. Mostly, though, there is an overwhelming sadness at the realization that you will never see someone again. At least, not in this life. You grasp at the memories made, and you look at the ones to come with a new sadness because now all of them will be missing someone important. Someone dear. Someone so full of life that it can’t be possible for them to be gone. How did they live such a full life? And how could they have died such a full death? ”Now the law came in to increase th...

It’s kind of weird that I can reflect on the past decade of my life and reflect on all that has happened. 10 years ago, I had no idea what I was doing, but I was working hard toward a bachelor’s degree. Emotionally, I was flailing and searching for fulfillment in all the wrong places. I graduated on time with honors, but I had allowed myself to be reeled into the worldly things of sex, drugs, and alcohol. Depression was deep. Anxiety was rampant. My personal life was going nowhere fast and I didn’t have the emotional stamina to fully serve the population I was working with professionally. I would come home “needing” some wine to wind down. I had become a different person than I thought I could be or would be. I still loved people. I was still compassionate. But I had developed a jadedness. A hardness. My heart was searing. But God. He gave me an incredible support system growing up. He gave me people who I could rely on to be there even when I was on a path of destruction. He gave me p...

This Holy Week has gone in a blur. It seems that many days go by in this manner! The nights feel long, but I know these years are short. It is difficult when we are struggling with patience. But then there are sprinkles of moments where I see Samuel reflecting Christ’s love to me or to others. His selfless service puts me in awe. Hannah’s sunshine smiles seem to spread love everywhere she looks. She makes my heart soar. More often than not, when we are going through daily life, it feels fruitless. I feel like I can’t focus or that I can’t keep the kids reined in for others to focus. But as my faithful husband always reminds me, it has nothing to do with me. What is happening in our hearts during these times has all to do with God and His Spirit. He is working within us even if we do not see or understand it. Thankfully, He is renewing our hearts and minds as He sees fit. I am thankful this happened to my heart and mind this Holy Week. The cool thing is that Christ came to save us from ...