His Ways are Higher

 


I never thought I would be counting the number of children I have in heaven. I never knew I would be gifted a family, half of which you can’t see. I thought we would have a family, a pretty good sized family, and all figure this life out together. I didn’t know we would only have one earth side. I didn’t know I would be yearning for more but fear my yearning will be met with another babe waiting for me in Heaven. I don’t understand how I can yearn so deeply yet have what I yearn for stripped away. Maybe the yearning is so I pour even more into my Samuel? I don’t know the purpose. I don’t know why. I do know the depths of grief that ebb and flow depending on the day. I know some days I’m “okay” and some days I’m just not. I know I typically feel jumbled in my thoughts and feelings.


But I also know my weakness is the perfect place for Him to show His strength. Oh Lord, I know You are greater than anything I could ever imagine. I know Your plans and Your ways are higher than my brain can fathom. I am fearful. I am scared of losing another. But I guess I can rest in the fact that my earthly loss will be my Heavenly gain.


I’m hurting, and I still don’t always know how to answer the “how are you” question. But I know I am learning to rest in His arms, in His plans, in His will. And I know that even if we birth more children into Heaven or into our arms, God is adding arrows to our quiver. Even if the world can’t see or accept my three children, my God does. Praise Him for His goodness and mercy. Amen. ❤️

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