I Am Mommy


I am a proud mommy. I’m not exactly proud of myself or my abilities. Yes, “I am woman, hear me roar.” Yes, I have some qualities that help me be the best mommy I can be. But I am certainly not perfect. I get frustrated. I forget to have Samuel brush his teeth sometimes. I forgot to brush my own some mornings (don’t judge!). But I am not proud of myself. I am proud of my little boy who is both slowly and quickly becoming not so little.

This pride is something I feel beam inside of me when he helps me with the dishes or shows me some new skill I didn’t expect. It is also a pride that quickly shrinks to humility when Samuel hits his cousin or says a certain phrase beginning with “oh!” And ending with “it” that we all know he has heard Mommy say a few too many times.

Motherhood is an amazing, wild ride. It is terrifying laying in bed some nights wondering if I did the right thing or if I’m spoiling him too much or not giving enough love. It’s also scary when you wonder if for some reason you’re going to wake up in the morning to your baby not breathing. It’s fighting the urge to lock him away in your arms forever and also being so excited for him when he figures something out. It’s taking in the beauty and wonder in his eyes when he sees bubbles or throws a snowball or hears the Mickey Mouse song.

I am blessed to have this little boy as my own. I am trying to soak in every moment I can.

It is interesting, learning about myself as I also learn about this little human. I get to learn about God and His love for me as I unpack the love I have for my child. It is also an interesting endeavor to be in a place that modern society views as “confining” when to me it feels so incredibly freeing. I have never been so happy as I am to clean poopy diapers and spend time at home. I get to make a home for my little boy and my husband. I get to learn new things and feel empowered by that knowledge. It’s the knowledge that as a younger girl I thought made me “old” or “boring” or “lame.” Now, it’s just the thing that makes me feel young, exciting, and interesting.

The joy I glean from finding new ways to serve my husband, raise my boy, and tend to my community is not something I can truly describe in words. It’s a freedom I am blessed to experience. It is being a wife and a mother.

I am a proud mommy. But maybe not proud in the way the world views it. I am excited. I am blessed. I am the luckiest woman in the world.


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